“I am pregnant!” … three words that have the power to change one’s life like nothing else. That Friday morning when I said them to my husband was beautiful, exciting and scary at the same time. For it came at the worst possible timing ever. I was soon to be unemployed, interviewing for new job opportunities. One of them was looking very promising but required a lot of traveling – especially at the beginning. So now what? I knew that first trimester is tricky and things are very uncertain but I decided to be honest and tell the truth even though I was only 6 or 7 weeks in.
Don’t get me wrong, we have both wanted kids and there was a plan; The Plan with The Perfect Timing. And The Plan failed, of course…
As I now believe it’s the Little Soul who’s in charge, who chooses when the time is right and to whom (s)he wants to be born. We went through more than 6 months of hopelessness, fear and frustration. It’s not that much but it’s more than enough to stress you out. For some couples it happens the very first time they ‘give it a try’, for some couples it takes years and only happens when they give up and decide to adopt – I have both of these extremes among my close friends. So I knew… What I didn’t know was how I would react face-to-face to that kind of disappointment month after month.
I felt like I was failing as a woman, I lost confidence in my body and in myself. And the loss of confidence spread like a virus – suddenly I wasn’t sure about anything. I started second guessing our choice to move into a new flat and whether adopting two little kittens was a good idea. I would cry over the smallest things – like what to cook for dinner or how to spend the weekend. Besides, there was a lot of uncertainty regarding my job’s future and that for sure did not help.
The worst moment came during our first wedding anniversary. So many people asked that dreaded question:
So when does the baby come, don’t you think it’s time already?”
All of this led to me having a breakdown. I decided to search for help and started psychotherapy sessions. With the help of my therapist I managed to regain my self-confidence. It took three sessions to understand where my issues come from, how to deal with them and bounce back to normal. Several weeks later, came that Friday morning.
The lesson I learned and want to share with you is not to underestimate your mental state when you decide to expand your family. If there is something on your mind that is holding you back, the Little Soul won’t come, in other words your baby wants the BetterYou, not the BitterYou 😉
So my dear women, look into the four corners of your mind and deal with your daemons. Don’t be afraid, nor ashamed to ask for professional help. And most importantly learn to love yourself. Look in the mirror, smile and say out loud “I’m ready for you, Little Soul. You can come now.” There are great books and videos by Louise Hay on the power of positive thoughts and affirmations.
And dear men, even if your partner doesn’t say a word she might be suffering. Believe me, it feels extremely lonely and it’s not easy to share these feelings. One practical advice – if you want to actively help, have your sperm checked (find some info here and here). If the results are not good, the sooner your start with the treatment, the better. If it’s OK, give your partner a hug and say “Honey, I had myself checked; all is good and I know you are healthy too so we just have to be patient. I love you and I am looking forward for the Little Soul to join us.”
P. S. Our Little Soul, baby Patrick, was born on July 5th 2018 and as he was very excited to meet us, he came to this world 5 weeks early.
The two pictures above were taken less than 10 hours apart! We enjoyed our last sunset as a family of two and the next morning at 5:20, just a moment after the sunrise we became a family of three.
Welcome to this world Mr. Sunshine, thank you for choosing us.